Yikes! It’s been five days since I blogged? Goodness…

I committed to completely unplugging this weekend. I went to NYC to hang with a friend, and I didn’t blog, surf, write or even pick up the phone (other than to download some mellow train music) the entire time. I needed that – I have been running and DOING so much lately that I hadn’t realized how much I needed to stop, breathe, and re-evaluate.

I went away for the weekend and came back Sunday night, but I still took the day off work yesterday to prepare for the week. The “gaining weight” deal threw me for a loop, now that I think about it, but as I said in my Recommitment post, November 1 began the new 90-day period, and I got to work. No excuses allowed. I ate super clean, I worked out, I tracked my meals, and I’m off to the races. I bought a food scale, downloaded the GoWearFit BodyMedia app for my iPhone, and defrosted like a mad woman.

At some point this weekend, I considered cutting my hair off. I’ve been growing my hair for about as long as I have been on this weight loss plan, so I have a respectable amount of ‘fro atop the noggin. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Having hair is something I have had to get used to; from the products to the bed head to the research for how to deal with and properly care for natural hair… it’s been a process, to say the least. For those of you who have concentrated on growing your hair out, you feel my pain. There’s that dreaded “in-between” stage where your hair is neither long nor short, and you get stuck between pining for the old days and longing for your hair to be what it isn’t yet. It’s a place that requires patience… and y’all know I don’t have a whole lot of that, so I almost grabbed the clippers this weekend and did a G.I. Jane.

Almost… and then I made the connection and let out a heavy sigh.

Growing my hair and losing the weight are the same journey, and you can’t really know that until you’re in the middle of it. I pontificated about it at the beginning (see my Tired of Cheating post), but it’s nowhere near as real as it is 3-4 months in. The middle is a pain in the ass. You don’t look like you did, but you don’t look like you want. Things change on the regular, and as you try to get used to a new state, you change again. It’s fluid, and that can be painful for a person who prefers things to stay the same. This is the time that you begin to think about cheating the process or going back to how you used to be in order to obtain some sense of normalcy. But going back isn’t an option, because you’ve already changed. You’ve already made a commitment to moving forward, so turning around is harder than going ahead.

So, for me, cutting my hair off would be like getting fat again. I have taken all this time (4 months is a commitment) to cultivate my new hair, and chopping it because I am uncomfortable would be quitting. Natural hair is new to me, as is being a size 8. I need to ride this out and focus on healthy hair on a daily basis. The middle is hard… but you have to stick to it, because there is no going back.

As Nina Simone croons, “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me.”

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