I have always had a “strut”. I mean, since I was a kid. Ask anyone. I blame my mother, who, as my stepfather used to say, is a “model in repose”. Sylvia started modeling on the runway when she was 22, and always stressed the importance of foot placement, leg extension, and an even, poised stance. This was genetically passed down through the umbilical cord.

I have always loved my walk. It’s attention-getting, confident, and it’s a part of who I am (They called it “The Carla Walk” in high school). Within the last year, however, I have noticed a significant change in my strut. It’s gone from “wow” to “waddle”. I don’t feel that I’m exaggerating – you know how you can just sense when something is wrong with your body? Like you know when you are out of balance? That’s how I felt. My walk wasn’t smooth. It wasn’t confident. I didn’t glide… I plodded.

Carrying extra weight is a solid kick in the gut to confidence. Now, as I have said in earlier posts, I think women like Queen Latifah and Monique are GORGEOUS and have a confidence that glows (notice I didn’t mention Gabourey Sidibe in that short list? There’s a reason for that. I cannot STAND her… but that rant is for another day). But I was not (am not) comfortable in my larger body, and I didn’t walk like I was. You cannot glide while you’re pulling at your clothes to hide your gut. You cannot strut in 4″ heels when your feet hurt because you’re too fucking heavy to properly balance on a stiletto heel. That just ain’t happenin’, padna.

But today, something happened.

I was taking my 3:00 lap around to the kitchen to grab my afternoon snack (2 Wasa multigrain crackers, 2% cottage cheese, grape tomatoes and italian seasoning. HEAVEN!), and I could feel my hips shifting. I could feel the length of my stride and how I was balancing in my 4″ peep-toe leather booties. I wasn’t grabbing at my clothes… I was just walking. Correction – I was STRUTTING.

My strut came back. It snuck up on me and yelled, “Surprise! Been waiting for your big ass to get it together!” This is a good thing.

I feel like there should be some BeeGees music to go along with this moment.