As I sit here in Starbucks, writing and thinking and basking in my day, I already know that this is my best birthday ever.

I feel amazing. Better than I have in YEARS. I’m scared and elated all at the same time about this new year – a year where I feel that I will finally become the person I was always meant to me. That’s not all about the weight, of course; it has more to do with pushing myself past my comfort zone and really moving to a level of excellence in all that I do and all that I am.

For years, I have settled for “just okay”. Actually, to be honest, I haven’t even been at the “okay” level – I’ve been grieving over my past decisions but suppressing that feeling with food. It’s funny – if someone had asked me last year what I had sacrificed in my life, I would have said that I sacrificed relationships with loved ones for my business. Now, I realize that I sacrificed my health for everything, and for someone as selfish as I am, I sure did put ME last. My habits and thinking? WAY past unhealthy.

Now, I feel things changing drastically. I’m 35 today. I wouldn’t want to be any other age. I don’t yearn for the “good old days”, I don’t want to be 21 again (God forbid! I was SUCH a dumbass and sleeping with all the wrong people). For the first time, I want to be right where I am and I want to be healthy in this place. As much as I love my friends and family, I look for ways in every moment to put my needs first. I look forward to each day and how the changes come – I know that I get impatient at times (okay, all the time…), that I’ll be frustrated with myself, and I’ll cry, scream and swear, but even THAT will be good, because it’s real. It’s emotion that I refuse to suppress. I’ll feel every single bit of it.

I’m 35. I am so, so happy today. Happy birthday to me!

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