… I think.

Does anyone own a pair of Lane Bryant jeans? Only those of you who do can understand my apprehension to admit that there’s some sort of change going on. LB jeans tend to distort reality by giving more than normal during the course of the day. But, I think something’s happening. I think these jeans are actually looser around the waist, tummy and thighs.

I’m a little scared to admit that, honestly. I don’t want to delude myself into jumping the gun and thinking this is all working. I know that doesn’t make sense, but it’s true.

I’m a daily poster on EatCleanDiet.com (love it there!). I’m encouraging, supportive… the ultimate cheerleader for the other posters when it comes to eating clean, because I feel how it has really worked for me, internally. I FEEL different, and, although I have had my moments with temptation, the cravings are dramatically smaller than ever before. I feel healthy, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and I know it’s because I have changed my diet. However, I still have an issue seeing how this is going to work for me, physically. No matter how many posts I see about people losing 5, 15, 35, 75 pounds… I still have doubts that it will be ME that puts up those numbers.

I think that the disappointment from earlier this year still sits with me. I worked out hard and (pretty) consistently without seeing any difference on the scale, and that hurt more than I am probably admitting to myself. I understand now that eating really does make all the difference, but I’m a little afraid to hope. That’s why I’ve adopted the “put your head down and just do the work” method, and it’s probably the biggest reason I do not get on that scale right now. I am so afraid of seeing the same fucking number.

But… I think I look a little different. I think my jeans are looser, and I think I have to cinch my belt a little more. I cannot tell for sure (we’re always the last ones to see it in ourselves), but I’m trying to be as objective as possible.