I want a Snickers bar so badly. I thought I wanted one a few days ago, but this want today is King Kong massive could easily beat up the puny want I thought I had before. You know when you have a craving that starts small and then becomes all-encompassing? It starts as this tiny thought in the back of your mind while you’re doing something else. “Hey. You haven’t had a Snickers in a really long time. Hmm.” The next thing you know, it’s screaming at you! “DAGNABIT, CARLA! YOU NEED A SNICKERS! NOW!”

I think the issue is two-fold: I had a precarious day of eating, and I watched TV all day. It’s Saturday, and I’m off my regularly regimented schedule. I woke up later than expected, my eating times were off, and I felt extremely lazy. I usually have so much to do during the week, but today was completely free and I ended up laying in bed most of the day and watching an ANTM marathon (yes, ANOTHER marathon, but to my credit, I still ate clean, ate 5 meals, and did 30 minutes of exercise).

You don’t realize how many food commercials are on TV if you don’t watch it that often. OMG! It’s a non-stop barrage of fatty friggin’ nonsense! Advertisers are really trying to force feed you (and your KIDS!) as much sugar and fat as they can… and then they throw on a Weight Watchers, Bally’s or Jenny Craig commercial to make you feel guilty. It’s insane!

I’m sure the commercials didn’t help my cravings. I thought dinner was going to help, but I overcooked my salmon and wasn’t thrilled with it. My mind grabbed onto the opportunity and said, “See? The food wasn’t great! You DESERVE a Snickers to finish off the night! Go on, Carla… PLENTY of people fall off the wagon! You can get back on tomorrow… be good to yourself and grab that chocolatey goodness!”

Let me tell you… writing my blog daily, joining the ECD Makeover Challenge and posting on ECD.com has helped me so much through this journey. It keeps me accountable and strong. I realized that “it’s okay, it’s just this one time” is the excuse I have always used, and the way my body looks is representative of all those times I fell off the wagon, went running down the hill, and rolled my butt through the McDonald’s drive-thru. I don’t want to be that woman anymore. I WILL NOT be that woman anymore.

So I picked up my laptop and went to ECD.com. I re-read the Challenge rules, and I started visualizing the win. I can see myself sitting and conversing with Tosca. I studied Megan Murphy’s winning photo shoot to see how I should pose. I started thinking about what I should wear on the plane to Toronto. Then I read through the Success Stories to see how others made their changes. I called my mother (a thing she has always asked me to do but I never have!) and I talked to her about my craving and how I did not want to give in. I knew that if I did, it wouldn’t be anywhere near as satisfying as eating right.

She suggested having a huge glass of water and going to bed, but I knew I wanted to write this out first. Temptations are a pain, and I know I’m at the beginning of the journey. I get scared that I won’t finish, I get nervous about doing things correctly, and I’m definitely anal about my process. But with all that, I know that this is the right path for me. I just have to battle through times like these. This is tough, y’all.

Alright, I’m done. Water, then bed. Tomorrow might be another day, but I did not cheat today, and I’m proud of that.